Alright let me go ahead and explain to you that I’m not one of those guys that goes out and pulls any girl that I want just by looking at them. I’ve spent a lot of time just working the game using social media to get laid. I can however pin point a girl that’s giving me her attention and take control of the situation. 9 times out of 10, I end up naked.

I get to this girls dorm around 1 am during the spring. I walk inside and her room is this tiny dungeon with rainbows and animal print everything. I wasn’t sure if I came to sleep with her or if she was going to read me a story from the jungle book. Her roomie was kind of annoying and I was trying to tell this bitch, that was hopped up on twizzlers , that we were going to sleep so she needed to stop rambling. I get in my skippies and jump in bed.

I start by moving in slow and kissing her and rubbing on her tummy, keep in mind this was the first day I met her so I had to choose my moves wisely. We finally get to the part where I take her panties off and I trip over myself to get naked while fingering her. All of the sudden, I get this cloud that just reeks of booty sweat and was similar to what I’d imagine hot trash smelling like. I was taken by surprise. She was a cute girl that seemed to have good hygiene so I thought I might have farted on accident.

After a while of thrusting back and forth, the smell wouldnt go away. So I went down for a minute and started snooping around. What I found, I will never forget. A light looking residue on the inside of her undies was in fact the fecal monster I was afraid of. Only in nightmares had I seen it before then, and now I was face to face with it. What I’m about to say next I’m not proud of…

I snuck in her back door. Twice.

Ive slept with close to five hundred girls and counting…

I choose to keep my name private but my personal stories a little more public; leaving names, faces, and true locations out so to protect the identities of those I’m speaking about… Alright I might throw in a nude or 20 that I’ve received from sluts. I assure you though, all of the situations are true aside from that.

Anyways, I’ll describe myself in a few words. Dude, early twenties, was in some bands, worked around different places, and traveled a ton. I got a kinda late start, losing my virginity at 15 years old. I had my first serious girlfriend for two years and lost my virginity to her b-hole. I live with several girls in a house, we’ll say I’m from Arizona. Who fucking cares.

Only my close friends know about my adventures and journeys to the center of the poon. I started accepting the fact that if I told girls I had sex with more than twenty people they wouldn’t like me anymore:( I would like to state that I am not a writer and I’m sorry if some of the shit I say doesn’t really flow very well. So fucking try to keep up.

This will be my way of venting, UNDERSTAND that this is not me gloating or telling you that people should look up to me for this shit. This is my own way of therapy and I need to get these things off my chest so that I might meet someone one day who can tell me to chill the fuck out. If it offends you, then I should ask that you not read or post anything; instead you should get back to doing your sudoku puzzle.

If anyone sees this, thanks for reading.